Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: [Story] Alternative Reality (Revised)

  
  1. #1
    Hellhound
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    625

    Default [Story] Alternative Reality (Revised)

    This is one of my stories that I've been working on. Progress isn't stable, there are times when I get a bit done and times where nothing gets completed (normally the latter).

    If you wish to see the orignal, click here.
    (And yes, on that forum, I was Elementis)

    Contents:
    Chapter One: Post #2
    Chapter Two: Post #3
    Chapter Three: Post #6
    A word of warning. The story can be extremely confusing at times. I heard from a friend it is confusing as the novel A Tale of Two Cities, without all the words and stuff. It may leave a man crying, it may not. The story is also a bit long. When it comes down to formatting, it will be by US standards as well.
    Don't expect much updates on the revised version. While it may be completed eventually, don't expect a deadline for it.
    Comments and criticism are welcomed for both the revised and orginal, just state which one you are commenting on.
    Last edited by Sire; February 11th, 2010 at 01:01.

  2. #2
    Hellhound
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    625

    Default Re: [Story] Alternative Reality (Revised)

    Alternative Reality
    By: Sire



    Chapter 1:
    *Beep*
    *Beep*
    *Beep*
    *Beep*...
    A hand goes on the alarm, shutting it off. A young man, black to grayish hair, Caucasian, and charismatic, slowly arises from bed. The man is about the age of twenty nine, and it seems he is a veteran of crises and disasters. Checking the clock, it shows 6:00 AM. However, the clock itself is rigged to be five minutes earlier than normal time, as those extra five minutes gives the illusion of running late when you still have a little more time left.
    The man slowly arises from his bed and heads to the shower. The room itself had a large vertical dresser, a HD TV on top of that dresser, a large horizontal dresser with a mirror against one wall, two small side dressers used for various purposes beside the king sized bed, and a small desk in the corner of the room. The room also has two doors, one leading to the master bathroom, and the other leading straight into a hallway where other bedrooms reside.
    This man, of name we do not know of yet, slowly drags himself to the bathroom and closes the door. There was no reason to shut the door, for no one else lived with him, yet it closes it anyway. He stripped, throwing his clothes in his laundry basket, and went to the shower…
    After some time, the bed was fixed, room in order, and the man dressed for work, wearing a white collar shirt with some pants, he was off.

    The man’s home was quite large, and it stands on a beautiful area of a small city in Tennessee. While many warned him about the city was small and his business may not work, he managed through and is now the president of Sire’s Workshop, a large company that mainly creates video games, but also creates films, both animated and with real action.
    Sire’s Workshop was founded by this man with just a handful of loyal supporters and workers. The first games created were just small ones made mostly to get cash, yet their quality still high. This game was called Mini-Battles, and was an instant hit. When the company started gaining more employees, they launched the second one of their most famous series of all time, Elemental Warfare.

    The city itself has changed much over the years, however it never fully urbanized, which many people are quite happy about, as they remember the small patches of forests and the rolling hills of Middle Tennessee. Crime rate is at it’s lowest it’s been in years, and is still declining. Local businesses are booming, and his mother’s restaurant is renowned for it’s cooking, and people all over the county go there to eat at least each month, so good is its food, as well as prices, and even the staff.

    The man that we’ve been following drove up to his workplace, a rather large, three floor building. It amazes the locals that he came this far this quickly, he started the company right after college and now it’s already a worldwide company. Some people say the only reason this happened is because the game market is increasing, and interest for video games are high, thus people try and get those positions.
    The building is quite beautiful in exterior design, while using simple but effective decorations, such as trees along the sides of the road and even a small park with a fountain owned by the company, open to the public. The decorations, while minor and easy to upkeep, normally leave the common viewer in awe of the place.
    The man parks his car in the employee parking area, and went inside the building. The decorations from the exterior carry on into the interior; the front entrance has a massive fountain and small little train tracks can be seen throughout the halls of the building, with a small little electronic train running around, named Jack. In addition, the fountain not only serves as a decoration, but also houses fish, with one being named Little Jim.
    Little Jim is a Tiger Oscar fish, normally aggressive, but this one really likes people. He would peek his little head out of the water and see people walk by, then hide underneath and swim around a bit before peeking up his head again. It seems to have an affection for the founder and a few co-workers, and sometimes plays jokes by peeking his head out and shooting small blasts of water at the employees. He would at the guests too, but he knows that they may not take to it kindly and complain.
    The man, upon entering, is greeted by the employees and Little Jim, and heads off to the built in café. It was the meeting spot of many in the morning, and has its own cooks that create wonderful breakfasts and lunches. Food here was also served to guests as well, free of charge. The café area also serves as the area where major events take place, such as a company cookout or some other fun occasion, such as the developers playing against the fans in the games.
    There was an employee lounge right across from the café, this one being the main with two side ones on the second and third floors. It contained the refrigerator and a coffee machine, as well as a large table. There were comfortable chairs as well as a nice TV located in there as well.
    This man ate a decent breakfast, some hash browns, french toast, and a slice of boned ham, and went on to a scheduled meeting, which will start at 8:15.

  3. #3
    Hellhound
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    625

    Default Re: [Story] Alternative Reality (Revised)

    Chapter 2:
    While it was pointless to arrive at the meeting 30 minutes early, the man does so anyway. He prepares the meeting’s discussion, which will mainly cover Elemental Warfare, Mini-Battles, Universal Battleground, Sire’s / Mark’s Realm, as well as a secret project from Nintendo.
    This project was to make a MMORPG of the Nintendo universe. Each different series from Nintendo will have a different play style, Mario’s realm will play using Paper Mario mechanics and platforming, Metriod will use a FPS style gameplay, and the Legend of Zelda will use an RPG system. Each ‘’realm’’ will be interconnected with one another, so you can play your character throughout the Nintendo universe.

    As time passes, men and women begin to enter the room. They give the man a smile, and take their seats. As the others enter, they are greeted in a similar fashion from the ones already sitting. A different blond hair man with blue eyes sits next to the one we have been following. He was cleanly shaven and also charismatic like the one he sat beside of, the president of Sire’s Workshop.
    There are others in the room, but their description is unimportant.

    ‘’So Mark, today’s talk is what? Universal Battleground updates? Status report? The meaning of life?’’ This was the blond hair man sitting beside the one we have been following.
    ‘’Come on Justin, the normal status report.’’ This was the president of Sire’s Workshop, which happens to be the same man we have been following for some time.
    Justin laughed, ‘’Of course… Elemental Warfare has been a success so far, Hordes of Darkness left plenty of people begging for more. The fans really, REALLY want to know if we did truly kill them all off.’’
    ‘’We will let time do the telling for that. Go on Justin.’’
    ‘’We have contacted Intelligent Systems to see if we can do our Fire Emblem Storyline in the future for Sire and Mark. At current status, we are talking with their representatives about it. Universal Battleground is receiving unexpected delays, the people that were to supply our servers are having issues with their equipment, and we still have price issues with them. We may have to find a different company or make the servers ourselves.’’
    ‘’Anything else?’’
    ‘’Of course there is, now let me finish,’’ said Justin, biting back another laugh.
    ‘’Some of our fans for our games, namely Mini-Battles and Elemental Warfare… well, they pretty much want fan service.’’
    ‘’They all do…’’ Mark muttered, but lets Justin continue.
    ‘’The Mini-Battles team is working on the 3rd and temporary final installment of the game we started with company with. We also sent some people to see if we can possibly buy the rights to Ogre Battleand Dungeon Keeper so we can continue where they left off, or possibly start from scratch from it., only as long as the fans of these old games remain happy…’’
    ‘’Yes, the gamers must come first in their satisfaction in the product.’’
    ‘’Agreed. We are still trying to get Nintendo to use our products, but progress is currently on standstill. However, PC sales are skyrocketing, and some game review magazines say we may be the new best company, saying we may even rival EA in a few years.’’
    ‘’We only have been truly active for four years… Are our games really that good? The first Mini-Battles was basically made in a basement with a bunch of novice programmers, artists, and composers, with pizza breaks every now and then. That was back before we had this building and we were all still in highschool and college. Mini-Battles 2 followed in a likewise fashion. We only got this building four years ago, and that’s when everything started getting official…’’
    A female in the meeting answered, ‘’Yes, they are. As a mother and a female gamer myself, I find myself attracted to the games this company makes. It not only appeals to the male gamer, but to the female gamer as well. An example of this is in the Mini-Battles series, when you can choose your gender and name at the start of the game, and the characters act appropriately. The games are easy to pick up and play, but also provides challenges for the hardcore player. My children love playing the universes you have created. They really enjoy Mini-Battles, and they heavily enjoy the sprite version in addition to the 3-D one.’’
    ‘’I’m still amazed they passed that Technology Act of 2022,’’ Justin said, ‘’All technology and inventions must be approved by a worldwide assembly. I find it extremely hard to believe that North Korea and South Korea are now reunited under a democracy, when a few years ago they hated each other extremely. I hear this act was heavily influenced by our games, mainly because of our characters saying that new technology may not always be the best thing. I, for one, do not want a automatic flying car. They still even got wheeled cars, but some of the more technologic people decided to get those new hover cars. I'm glad they don't have those electronic-talking houses, and we still manage to have our privacy like we did back in the day.''
    Everyone else agreed.
    ''Well, that's the end of reports. The question is, what do we work on next?..''
    The small group of game designers, programmers, voice actors, and everyone started to discuss their plans on their games. However, throughout this scene, the main man, Mark, seems a little spaced out, as if reliving an old memory...

    ''Hey Mark... Wake up.''
    ''Eh?...''
    Mark mentally shook his head side to side to wake himself up. Once again, he has succumbed to the emotions he has been trying to imprison.
    ''You seemed to be spacing out again. The meeting's over.''
    Mark looked at Justin. ''Yes, of course... I will go to my office aga...''
    He was cut off mid-sentence, ''Don't want to be disturbed, I know. I'll give the employees the information.’’
    ''You have my thanks again Justin.'' There was a slight pause. ''I'll be going then...''
    He walked off, leaving Justin to his thoughts.
    It’s been so long... I guess I'll have to update the logs so he can read them...

    Elemental Warfare Updates:
    -The Elemental Warfare team is working on part 2 of Absolute Monarchy. The play testers are a little too excited and can’t wait for it.
    -Voice actors found for Charles and Robert.
    -After some research, the fans themselves made their own service. Seems to be in Japanese, but how the heck did they get their hands on one of our games?!

    Mini-Battle Updates:
    -2/6 campaigns completed for Mini-Battles 3.
    -Cinematic team is having technical problems with their software. It has been discovered one of the members somehow got a virus on one of the computers, and it has spread to the rest of the computer graphic artist division in Mini-Battles. A week’s worth of work has been lost, and the software is having issues working.
    ---NEW!--- It has been discovered that the tool that they have been using IS the virus. Currently taking appropriate actions…

    Universal Battleground:
    -The debut of Universal Battleground is nearing. The campaign is nearly finished, only thing that remains in balancing, extras, and polishing.

  4. #4
    Stick User A New Room's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Evil intent Airship Over England
    Posts
    891

    Default Re: [Story] Alternative Reality (Revised)

    Revised:
    Quote Originally Posted by Sire View Post
    While many had warned him about how the city was small and his business may not work, he had managed though and was now the president of Sire’s Workshop
    Tenses is a little off, a few words seemed to be missing words. That is about all I could spot.

    All in all it is interesting, though I'm not sure I can get a feel for where this story is going to go. It feels kind of laboured. You've used a lot of slow pacing which can become a hugely tiring, if you don't have anything for it to build up to.
    Mentor: "You remove your own heart, fortify it behind stonewalls, deadly traps, and then rely heavily on beings you create yourself. Even psychoanalysts lack words for just how absurdly emo you are…"

  5. #5
    Hellhound
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    625

    Default Re: [Story] Alternative Reality (Revised)

    The revised version is more expanded on the orignal, trying to add more details and backround infomation as as ''fluff'' (if I'm using that right) to make the story longer. It also gets rid of boring / uninteresting parts and improves or replaces the rest.

    The beginning two chapters (revised) does start off quite slow. Near the end of chapter two, you get a slight glimpse of what will be on later in the story.
    Chapter three can be considered when you sota ''jump'' into the main story.

    You can read the orginal I got listed if you want, but since both versions are the same story, you would already know what's going to happen in the revised version.

    And many thanks for the corrections.
    Of course, I'm no professional and just trying to write. I just hope everything I do turns out well...

    Edit: I miss being a simple Imp...

  6. #6
    Hellhound
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    625

    Default Re: [Story] Alternative Reality (Revised)

    Chapter 3
    A young feminine voice echoes in within his young mind.
    ‘’There, there, please don’t cry. Please stop…’’
    ‘’It’s pointless. You know that as well as I do.’’
    ‘’I was created to make you happy… I don’t want to see you cry like that almost every night. This condition of yours is not healthy. Your heart…’’
    ‘’I know, I know…’’
    ‘’How about the normal routine? That always works for both of us. It keeps your mind off of things.’’
    ‘’…’’
    ‘’Please? You know it works, it’s tried and true.’’
    ‘’Ok…’’

    Outside the corridors of this young man’s mind, he is seen lying down on the floor, a simple blue mat separating him from the cold carpet. His figure is wrapped within a white blanket, his head buried into a pillow, which is damp with heavy tears.
    The hair, which is combed to the right, is colored black, the skin Caucasian, the eyed dark brown. Even in despair, the fourteen-year-old boy is handsome for his age. A beard is slowly appearing on his face, and is a bit noticeable, due to the fact the boy hasn’t even shaved yet, and he lacks the knowledge to shave.
    He begins to cry heavily once more, and the cycle of the soothing feminine voice in his mind begins anew. This will become an endless cycle, one that would be repeated years and years later…


    ***

    We see a different young boy, at the age of only four. He is watching his mother, at the age of 29, playing the Elemental Warfare game Hordes of Darkness. She has only gotten it recently, and all the hype about it has been justified.
    The little boy tries to speak, ‘’Mommy, one day I wanna work for that comp…company one day.’’
    The mother smiles at her child, ‘’Of course you will. Always follow your dreams, and you can get anywhere Destin.’’
    ‘’Yes mommy. What level are you on now?’’
    ‘’Only level four. This level is really irritating…
    ''What does ir...irrit...irritating mean?''
    ''Well, it means that it bothers you a bit. Remember, we are going to move in a few weeks to a bigger house! Aren't you lucky we have a loving and wonderful father that works very hard for both of us?''

    The father in question walked into the room.
    ''Well Samantha, dinner's ready... Wait, isn't that one of the Elemental Warfare games?''
    The women smiled, ''Yes it is. I managed to get it for a sale at a store.''
    ''Mind if I try my hand at it after dinner?''
    ''Of course you can. You know you can do anything you want...''
    Samantha got up and went to hug her husband. She lived such a wonderful and happy life, her new family experiencing joy every single day. Nothing would get in the way of their happiness; such was the strength of their bond.
    ''Shall we eat dinner? Come on Destin, I think you are going to like what I cooked, it's one of your favorite foods!''
    Destin was excited, ''Which one! Which one!''
    The father went and patted Destin on the head, ''Find out son. Come on, let's eat before dinner gets cold.''
    And with that, the happy family went off to the kitchen to eat.

    ***

    A figure hidden in the shadows of Sire’s Workshop is seen sitting in his office. Out the window the lights illuminate the snow falling softly by, before disappearing into the darkness below.
    The male figure is rubbing a small object in his hand, as if it contained memories of old. He stares blankly at the wall while doing so, saying and doing nothing besides rubbing the small object.

    ‘’What does it matter, achieving one man’s dream of success, fulfilling his childhood ambition to become a successful game designer, when he is lost in the darkness, the wastelands of shattered dreams.
    Back then, I did the same thing I am doing now, hiding in a tattered cloak that would reveal little and conceal much. No one has managed to see past the cloak thus far…
    It is time. The secrets hidden beneath this cloak of shadows must be revealed, if only sparingly. It shall not do anything to relieve my burden, but it shall give reason for my absences…’’

    The figure places the object on the table, revealing a small, blue pebble. It was one of those cheap fishbowl pebbles, yet this one he received from a friend years ago. He gave it away, but found the pebble once again in his possession. This pebble seemed to hold the key to an ancient vault of memories, one that no mortal man has ever seen before.
    The figure opens a drawer of his desk, and picks up another object. Alas, the object is never seen, and the voice that tries to speak, never heard…
    Last edited by Sire; February 11th, 2010 at 00:56.

  7. #7
    Stick User A New Room's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Evil intent Airship Over England
    Posts
    891

    Default Re: [Story] Alternative Reality (Revised)

    Why do I get this really uncomfortable feeling that something is wrong with that family? Though that might just be me reading too many dystopian future stories...

    This story is really stating to get a lot more interesting, keep it up
    Mentor: "You remove your own heart, fortify it behind stonewalls, deadly traps, and then rely heavily on beings you create yourself. Even psychoanalysts lack words for just how absurdly emo you are…"

  8. #8
    Hellhound
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    625

    Default Re: [Story] Alternative Reality (Revised)

    Note: This includes a bowling scene. I am not that good at bowling and may misuse terms for it. If this is the case, please notify me so I can change it.
    Note 2: This is also a completely new scene not in the original.


    Chapter 4:

    Justin steps up, grabs his bowling ball of choice, and bowls it down the aisle. It looms closer and closer, yet it was obvious it was yet another gutter ball. Justin, Mark, and Scott, a recently employed developer, are playing three rounds at the local bowling alley. Mark has been rolling strike after spare after strike, quickly amassing points. Scott has been doing fair, but Justin has been unluckily since the start, amassing countless gutter balls.
    ‘’Damn. I lost my bowling ability,’’ says Justin as he sits back down and sips his cola.
    ‘’Tough luck Justin, Scott, you are up,’’ says the all-too-familiar figure sitting in a different seat.
    ‘’Curse the luck…’’ Justin muttered as Scott rose to bowl.

    * * *

    The next few aisles over, a new family celebrates their son’s first strike. Having recently moved into a more luxurious and larger home, they have been living the life in recent times. The mother smiles at her child, despite using one of those child ramps to bowl, that he got his first strike.

    ‘’Mommy! I did it! I made a stick! A stick!’’ says the excited child, known to his family as Destin.
    ‘’That’s the spirit son! Your first strike, something to be proud of! When we get home, I’ll cook up another of your favorites.’’
    ‘’Yay!’’
    The family revels in the achievement. Husband embracing wife, parents embracing child. After a few minutes, the family settles down. Looking at the scoreboard, the father pulls out his wallet and finds he has just enough money for one more game.
    Looking expectantly at his beloved wife, ‘’One more game Samantha?’’
    ‘’Of course. It isn’t that late yet.’’
    The father sits down at the console and resets the scoreboard, arranging for one last bowling game.

    * * *

    ‘’Hey Mark, your turn again,’’ said Scott.
    ‘’Eh?...’’

    Mark has been sitting observing the family a few aisles over. They were a happy family, one that will grow up to have strong bonds with one another. He saw them embrace each other, and a certain voice began to protest within his mind, yet he quickly silenced it. He could not, not here in public, especially in front of his employees.

    Replying to Scott, ‘’Sorry, was busy dreaming about something else.’’
    ‘’Not a problem. Man, they weren’t joking when you were down to earth. I always thought presidents of companies were the greedy dictators type of people.’’
    ‘’Try to find a copy of me somewhere out there. I bet you won’t find one.’’
    Scott laughed a bit, ‘’Yeah, guess so.’’
    Mark looks around and finds no trace of Justin.
    ‘’Scott, where did Justin run off to?’’
    ‘’Oh, Justin went up to pay for the games. You are on last bowl.’’
    ‘’Really? Man, I thought I was dreaming for a while.’’
    ‘’Actually, you were. Justin and I stole your position for practice while you were dozing off. Hey, he said we could.’’
    ‘’Good ole Justin… Oh well, I have to finish up the game, right?’’

    Mark arises from his seat and picks up his blue bowling ball. Positioning himself, Mark bowls the ball down the aisle. Yet another strike, yet this one seemed on accident rather than luck or skill. Scott was amazed by his bowling. Scott finished stuff on the console, and Mark tidied up their bowling pit.
    As the two walked off to the exit, Mark noticed out of the corner his eye that a bowling rack was about to topple on an unsuspecting boy. Reacting swiftly, Mark did a full 180 and quickly picked up and moved the boy out of harms way right when the rack fell. The boy’s savior, however, was caught fully by the masses of the heavy bowling balls.

    ‘’Destin!!!’’ Samantha quickly ran to her child next to the toppled bowling rack.
    The father quickly rushed to his child’s side, checking on life signs.

    The other onlookers had the expression of worry and despair on their faces for the man under the massive rack. Surely no one could survive such a barrage of countless bowling balls of varying weightings falling upon him.
    Yet there was movement. The president of Sire’s Workshop arose from the rubble, dusting himself off and appearing unscathed by the fall.

    ‘’Thank you so much sir! I wouldn’t know what would happen if I lost my son,’’ Samantha said to the stranger.
    ‘’No problem. Just doing my job as a citizen.’’

    An onlooker stated, ‘’Wait, that is the president of Sire’s Workshop! It’s Mark Kalal!’’
    Before anyone else could inquire further of the stranger’s identity, he quickly departed the scene, and everyone was focused once more on the little boy that was saved by a stranger that defied death.

    * * *

    ‘’That was one hell of a stunt you pulled off back there,’’ remarked Justin as he drove his friends back home.
    ‘’Yeah Mark, what the heck were you thinking! You are the president of one of the most popular game companies that ever existed! If we lost you, we wouldn’t know what to do!’’
    ‘’Piper down Scott. Let Mark have his rest, he deserves it tonight.’’
    Mark was quickly found asleep after several minutes in Justin’s truck. Justin dropped of Scott to his fiance’s house, and then Justin drove up to Mark’s residence, a good decent one floor home big enough to contain a large family.
    Turning around, Justin tapped Mark on the shoulder.
    ‘’Hey, you’re home Romeo. Get some good sleep over the weekend, you hear?’’
    Mark sleepily nodded in affirmative and got out of Justin’s truck. Waving goodbye to his best friend at the company, Mark walked up to his front door and unlocked it. Entering his home, Mark wasted no time to check the master bedroom, where an uninvited visitor laid…
    Last edited by Sire; March 24th, 2010 at 02:15.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •